I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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