I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
