For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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