The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
