I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
