I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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