Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
