I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
