I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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