I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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