So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
