you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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