I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
