Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
