What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
