I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just had sex on a roof
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize