i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
