my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
