therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
