i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
