I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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