I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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