I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
