well I can't set my house on fire every night
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
