Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
