How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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