I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize