During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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