cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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