i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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