Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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