i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
