i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
