woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
