it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
