i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
