she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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