East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
