Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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