we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
