I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
