dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
