i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
