Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
