But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
