Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
