I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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