mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just want to make out with him forever
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
