oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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