I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
