Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize