Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
