Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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