Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
