I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
