forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
