Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize