last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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