I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
