...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
