Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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