Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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