I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize