i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
