do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
