Betty ford says i'm here all night
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
