She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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