Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
