I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
