let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
