My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
