u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
