WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
