Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
