farters have to be the big spoon...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
