tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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