If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
