I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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