people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
