hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she pinky promised me she was 18
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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