idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
