I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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