I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
