STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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