oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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