No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
