your parents love me but you hate me
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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