On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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