Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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