There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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