girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
