You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
