Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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