You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
