i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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