I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
