He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
