can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
