you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize