im drinking this country out of the recession.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
