jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
