Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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