i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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