One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
