hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize