Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
